The emotional rollercoaster

Life is a cocktail of emotions.

These emotions, however, aren’t all bad. Human beings evolved emotions to help them make sense of the environment and events occurring around them. Many emotions, such as happiness, contentment, and joy, are pleasurable. Others seem negative but can be useful; such as fear helping you avoid dangerous situations or anger denoting a crossed boundary.

Emotions, therefore, aren't necessarily "good" or bad"; they simply are. In the right context, they can help us power through life in a positive way and teach us things about ourselves and the world around us. In the wrong context, they can be self-limiting, harmful, or damaging to our relationships.

At work, at home, and in social settings, many things happen to us that are outside our control. However, how we react to these events determines our moods, physical health, professional success, and ability to make and keep friends.

Why we struggle with emotions

Many people struggle with identifying, analysing, and expressing their feelings. More often than not, we choose to suppress our emotions — especially the negative ones. We ignore or avoid them entirely instead of processing them as they come.

This emotional suppression usually happens subconsciously. We silence our pain, mask our fear, bottle up our anger, or deny our disappointment. But hiding and repressing our feelings only strengthens them, the same way keeping the lid on a boiling kettle builds up pressure inside it.

To avoid negative emotions, some people distract themselves with alcohol, excessive work, drugs, shopping, or other activities that give them temporary respite. But repressing emotions brings misery. Pretending you don't feel a certain way, or convincing yourself there's no need to deal with your feelings, simply adds unnecessary stress to your life and relationships.

Navigating your emotions

So how can you healthily navigate your emotions?

The first step is to accept that feelings — both positive and negative — are a natural part of life. Rather than fighting your emotions, feel them as they come. Acknowledge them, recognise where they're coming from, and identify how they make you feel. This process will teach you more about the situation, yourself, and the person(s) responsible for the emotions.

For instance, you might be feeling angry; but maybe you were just humiliated by your coworker who exposed some insecurities you need to work on. You might be feeling sad, but perhaps you've just been scrolling through LinkedIn or Instagram for too long, which made your own life or career path feel inferior by comparison. You might think you're unattractive, but maybe you're simply afraid of what the object of your affections thinks about you — which is causing you to hesitate to approach them.

In each of these cases, the original feeling is tied to a deeper reason, and identifying this reason can help you figure out how to counter the negative emotion and chart a way forward.

Expressing your emotions

You can express your emotions by talking about them, or writing them down, and practising meditation and mindfulness. Speaking candidly (especially to the people involved) about how a person or situation made you feel is an effective way of clearing the air, healing the hurt, and moving forward positively.

If you can't articulate your feelings, writing about them in a journal, blog, or personal diary may help. Lastly, mindfulness and meditation — whether manually or through digital apps — can help you slow down long enough to identify, label, and process your feelings regularly.

Introspection and vulnerability

Looking inward and asking yourself why you feel a certain way can help you learn more about your emotional triggers. This process, however, requires you to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge your feelings without judgement, shame, or guilt. By tuning in to the feeling (be it anger, sadness, frustration, fear, grief, depression, or more), you can focus your attention on solving the problem at hand.

The more vulnerable you are — with yourself and with others — the better. While sharing your feelings may leave you feeling exposed, it comes across as courageous to others and builds trust and connection.

Face your feelings

Facing negative feelings is an uncomfortable process. However, acknowledging your emotions reduces their intensity and make them easier to manage. Understanding why you feel what you feel tends to improve the quality of your life by helping you pinpoint your triggers, extract valuable lessons from situations, and build better relationships going forward.

Lastly, while you may not control how you feel, you can control how you react. Emotions are temporary, but actions are permanent. Watch your words in moments of anger; avoid making permanent decisions during depression; and restrain yourself from making promises when you're happy. As with everything in life, balance and self-awareness are key.

Till next time,

Annastasia